He told me to take off my pants and then rubbed KY jelly all over my legs. Then he squeezed me and watched my blood gorge my veins. He took pictures.
And then he told me my legs were garbage.
It turns out that the months of leg pain were not as severe as I feared, but it is bad. The veins in my right leg starting at my crotch and winding down to my ankles, lack working valves. Therefore the blood inside cannot return to my heart for repumping. The left leg is also damaged, but only slightly. The right leg is shit.
So the good news is that it isn't a blood clot, the bad news is that my veins are now nothing more than straws. And the pain in my calf muscles will be permanent. If you have ever had a lower leg cramp in your calf muscle then you know the pain of which I am speaking. It's very painful.
The saucy man with the KY hands had this to say, "Get it taken care of now before your legs go septic and they have to take them off." And on that note, I stood up, wiped off the KY, put on my pants and left.
I'm sure I will have to pay for the visit to the ER and as soon as I pay that off I should be able to afford the miracle surgery. I'm not sure what they think they can do. After Mr. KY said my veins were damaged beyond repair, I sort of got it in my head that.. I don't know... they couldn't be fixed. So when they say "surgery" I'm not sure what they think they are going to do. I think of that running gag in JOHNNY DANGEROUSLY where the lead character keeps having to pay for odd medical treatments for his mother including a salivary gland transplant - so she can spit again.
I am pleased as punch that it's not a clot. I was worried - and this worry was reinforced by everyone telling me to go to the ER NOW NOW NOW!!! So it's a great relief to know that I'm not going to suddenly die. How embarrassing would it be to die covered with KY with your pants down?
My trip to the doctor this evening was my late Christmas present to myself. I like to think of it as giving myself legs. So the next time a man covered with KY wants me to take off my pants in front of him so he can take pictures, I can run away... well, maybe.
And then he told me my legs were garbage.
It turns out that the months of leg pain were not as severe as I feared, but it is bad. The veins in my right leg starting at my crotch and winding down to my ankles, lack working valves. Therefore the blood inside cannot return to my heart for repumping. The left leg is also damaged, but only slightly. The right leg is shit.
So the good news is that it isn't a blood clot, the bad news is that my veins are now nothing more than straws. And the pain in my calf muscles will be permanent. If you have ever had a lower leg cramp in your calf muscle then you know the pain of which I am speaking. It's very painful.
The saucy man with the KY hands had this to say, "Get it taken care of now before your legs go septic and they have to take them off." And on that note, I stood up, wiped off the KY, put on my pants and left.
I'm sure I will have to pay for the visit to the ER and as soon as I pay that off I should be able to afford the miracle surgery. I'm not sure what they think they can do. After Mr. KY said my veins were damaged beyond repair, I sort of got it in my head that.. I don't know... they couldn't be fixed. So when they say "surgery" I'm not sure what they think they are going to do. I think of that running gag in JOHNNY DANGEROUSLY where the lead character keeps having to pay for odd medical treatments for his mother including a salivary gland transplant - so she can spit again.
I am pleased as punch that it's not a clot. I was worried - and this worry was reinforced by everyone telling me to go to the ER NOW NOW NOW!!! So it's a great relief to know that I'm not going to suddenly die. How embarrassing would it be to die covered with KY with your pants down?
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.