Pirates have a hard time finding work in the off season. The bitter cold keeps most ships off the sea and that means a lot of misguided and bored pirates wandering around with nothing to do - not very Pirate-y behavior. Pirates dislike tedious long days with nothing to do. It's what made them become pirates in the first place. If one wanted to lead a life of dullness they could stay home and become an actuary or a dentist or a prostitute. Pirates are people who need more out of the day-to-day.
The cold of winter means less boats on the water. Less boats to means less plunder. Less plunder means less booty. And less booty is just not good for anyone. The world loves booty. It's the second most popular reason pirates become pirates - lots of booty access. Ill gotten as it may be, it's still booty. If a pirate has a good season and acquired some good booty, he could live off it through the dull bitter winter months. But not being good with money, or risk management, pirates soon are booty free when left to their own devices. Good booty has a way of doing that. Pirates are famous for their loose pockets and it's hard to keep good booty for long. It's said that even the best pirate can't keep booty to themselves long enough.
Traditionally, during these long winters, pirates will hire themselves out as entertainers... well, they like to call themselves entertainers, everyone else calls it being "flat on your ass drunk." But inebriates and entertainers have long been interchangeable in the world's eyes with very little separation in the qualities or qualifiers for either. So either out of boredom, or to seek gainful employment, pirates find their way each night to the pubs and nightclubs in town. There with courage given to them by the sea, they regale anyone who will listen to their stories of fighting, and plundering and booty. People like stories about booty. This can go on for weeks and eventually the long months of winter eventually pass into spring. The time when all the pirates must return to the sea to replenish their storybooks.
It's a cruel trick of history that we assume pirates talked like their mouths were filled with marbles. When in reality most pirates had beautiful speaking voices with excellent elocution. There may have been a few stutters and stammerers among them but that's no reason to judge a whole section of society for the handicap of a few, now is it? Pirates had strong voices. Purified by the sea air, they're lungs filled with the most dust free, allergen free, free radical free, air ever known on this earth. And their need to use their voices was rare, thus allowing them to just appreciate the beauty of the sea for weeks on end without uttering one sound, thus, their pristine vocal chords were always a welcome sound. Sadly, we now think of pirates as the birth of the speech impediment, and the sole source of the gruff "RRRRR" sound in English phonetics. No one is even aloud to use the gruff "RRRRR" tone in words anymore. This was a choice made by a bunch of women who called themselves the "The Guardians of Morality in the English language." (don't try to spell that out, it doesn't spell anything) These women felt that the gruff "RRRR" would stir the loins of younger women who heard it, driving them to give up their decent upbringing and run off with a pirate and give up some booty pre-marriage... so something had to be done. They got in their husband's ears. Husband's - well men in general - hate listening to women whine about anything. So those men passed the whiny buck along to their leaders who were willing to push the issue through congress just to keep their wives and their constituents from annoying them too. So now, no gruff "RRRR." Sorry to all you Russells, and Ronalds and Rhondas out there who could have had cooler sounding names... Alas, sweet booty strikes again.
Pirates also suffer from an image problem in regards to their fashion sense. It would also surprise you to learn that many pirates have great eyesight and less than one half of one percent have, or need, eye patches. It would also surprises you to learn that there are exactly zero pirates with wooden legs, hooks for hands or who wear eyeliner on a daily basis (in public anyway). Pirating is work. It requires some attention to detail. It's hard to do your job with frilly cotton shirts and pants held up with over-sized belts. The notion that any one-legged, one-eyed, one-armed man with a horrible gruff speech impediment wearing an over-sized shirt with matching belt could do it is outrageous! How often do you see these people at your job? And what's with the parrot? Do you see a lot of parrot owners wearing their bird to work? Do you know how often those birds shit? So are we to assume that pirates don't care if a bird shits on their clothes?
Well, I have yarned on long enough. If you see a pirate hanging out in a bar, help him out. He's still got a few cold months to go before he can go back to work so why not buy him a drink - scotch preferred. Again, FYI, the whole rum thing was just another sales tactic used by the tourism people to get more women naked while on vacation. Because, hey, men will go anywhere if there are drunk naked women there. Booty is booty.
The cold of winter means less boats on the water. Less boats to means less plunder. Less plunder means less booty. And less booty is just not good for anyone. The world loves booty. It's the second most popular reason pirates become pirates - lots of booty access. Ill gotten as it may be, it's still booty. If a pirate has a good season and acquired some good booty, he could live off it through the dull bitter winter months. But not being good with money, or risk management, pirates soon are booty free when left to their own devices. Good booty has a way of doing that. Pirates are famous for their loose pockets and it's hard to keep good booty for long. It's said that even the best pirate can't keep booty to themselves long enough.
Traditionally, during these long winters, pirates will hire themselves out as entertainers... well, they like to call themselves entertainers, everyone else calls it being "flat on your ass drunk." But inebriates and entertainers have long been interchangeable in the world's eyes with very little separation in the qualities or qualifiers for either. So either out of boredom, or to seek gainful employment, pirates find their way each night to the pubs and nightclubs in town. There with courage given to them by the sea, they regale anyone who will listen to their stories of fighting, and plundering and booty. People like stories about booty. This can go on for weeks and eventually the long months of winter eventually pass into spring. The time when all the pirates must return to the sea to replenish their storybooks.
It's a cruel trick of history that we assume pirates talked like their mouths were filled with marbles. When in reality most pirates had beautiful speaking voices with excellent elocution. There may have been a few stutters and stammerers among them but that's no reason to judge a whole section of society for the handicap of a few, now is it? Pirates had strong voices. Purified by the sea air, they're lungs filled with the most dust free, allergen free, free radical free, air ever known on this earth. And their need to use their voices was rare, thus allowing them to just appreciate the beauty of the sea for weeks on end without uttering one sound, thus, their pristine vocal chords were always a welcome sound. Sadly, we now think of pirates as the birth of the speech impediment, and the sole source of the gruff "RRRRR" sound in English phonetics. No one is even aloud to use the gruff "RRRRR" tone in words anymore. This was a choice made by a bunch of women who called themselves the "The Guardians of Morality in the English language." (don't try to spell that out, it doesn't spell anything) These women felt that the gruff "RRRR" would stir the loins of younger women who heard it, driving them to give up their decent upbringing and run off with a pirate and give up some booty pre-marriage... so something had to be done. They got in their husband's ears. Husband's - well men in general - hate listening to women whine about anything. So those men passed the whiny buck along to their leaders who were willing to push the issue through congress just to keep their wives and their constituents from annoying them too. So now, no gruff "RRRR." Sorry to all you Russells, and Ronalds and Rhondas out there who could have had cooler sounding names... Alas, sweet booty strikes again.
Pirates also suffer from an image problem in regards to their fashion sense. It would also surprise you to learn that many pirates have great eyesight and less than one half of one percent have, or need, eye patches. It would also surprises you to learn that there are exactly zero pirates with wooden legs, hooks for hands or who wear eyeliner on a daily basis (in public anyway). Pirating is work. It requires some attention to detail. It's hard to do your job with frilly cotton shirts and pants held up with over-sized belts. The notion that any one-legged, one-eyed, one-armed man with a horrible gruff speech impediment wearing an over-sized shirt with matching belt could do it is outrageous! How often do you see these people at your job? And what's with the parrot? Do you see a lot of parrot owners wearing their bird to work? Do you know how often those birds shit? So are we to assume that pirates don't care if a bird shits on their clothes?
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