In all my years of sassin' and frassin' with people about what they think is sexy; And having read as much as anyone on the internet, in magazines, in books, or otherwise; I think I have a pretty good grasp on the topic. Or, at least, I'm familiar with the conversation.
For men (and I can only answer for men here) the answer they give you is a simple one. The first thing they tell you is a lie. A diversion from the truth to avoid awkwardness. Or, if they aren't very sassy, their answer may be just a general conclusion or summation of all their many hours of contemplation on the subject. "Tits" is a good example of a man's answer when pressed about what they think is sexy in women. Just "tits." Now, obviously he's just trying to short answer the subject, or keep the tone of the conversation light, so the answer is fluffy. And that's okay. I could press him on the real answer but I probably wouldn't get it without annoying him first. Then the answer would be just flat-out tainted. I have pressed people to this point before. Probably too often. And in this moment he could easily slip from "tits" to "I like it when women wear glitter," so I must be cautious in my approach. No one likes to hear goofy answers to interesting questions.
Men's answer have not really changed over the years as I thought they might. I thought getting older or coming into a new decade of style or sexuality might alter what men found attractive in women. No. I have to say it didn't. Of course, younger men - men in their teens and twenties - will probably have different answers, but they aren't men as I understand the definition, so who cares what they think. As I write this I realize the delicate nature of the conversation and I will retract that comment for all of you older women who are presently banging a teenager to help you feel younger.
What served as a solid answer in 1989 still seems to ring true in 2013. For example; men will commonly say that women with big lips are sexy. They did in 1989 and they do now. This could be the Julia Roberts affect and they something rekindled by Angelina Jolie, but it's still around so it counts. And for all of you thin-lipped women out there, don't fret. There are quite a few men who prefer your lips to Angelina Jolie's. So there you go. Long legs is also a common answer with men. So is long hair. Women with soft voices (not too deep, not too high). Women with narrow shoulders (almost unheard of in this day and age of working out). Women with a great butt (this varies in description). Women with long necks. Women with clean skin (actually comes in second). And probably the most famous trait, which rarely gets mentioned though if you press long enough, men will admit it.. Women with nice feet. I am not one of these men, but I laugh every time someone says this. I guess I never gave much thought to the shape of a woman's foot and how that pertains to her overall sexiness.
Years of ballet have torn up more than a few women's feet. It distorts the toes and bones start to protrude out the side or the top of the foot. Now add on top of that women trying to wear shoes they shouldn't because they are too small or too narrow and now you have almost two or three generations of women with pointy goat feet. And for some reason, men hate it. It's not a casual dislike either. When you press a man on the issue, and if he is willing to talk about it, women's feet become almost the biggest issue on the table. Men can talk about a former flame they loved with amazing joy in their voices, then there is sudden dramatic pause, a thoughtful glance, then they start in on the truth of the feet. "She was amazing," they say, "smart, kind, pretty, talented, great in bed... but she had the ugliest feet in the world." They never say it, but you know the next sentence was going to be, "And the second I saw them, I knew it wasn't going to work out."
I don't try to press through this story with them as I can't stand hearing about people's deformities, but if you want the truth of the matter, you have to press on. That's when you discover that most men want women with well-formed feet. Even if they aren't foot-fetishists, or don't particularly know what the perfect foot looks like, they know what they DON'T want her feet to look like. Talons is a commonly phrase used to describe a women's ugly feet.
Men are large children. They give a lot of time to just thinking about what they want for themselves out of life. It's what drives the world economy, starts our wars, inspires art and romance. Men are all still nine years old inside their head; they still like toys, they love to play, they like pretty things, they don't like to get in trouble, they like to break the rules, they like it when women do things for them and they don't really like to share with others. Remember that as you read this. He says he doesn't like a women with talons, but he doesn't mind if that talon-laden woman does his laundry. Being that nine year kid in his head trumps a lot of adult stuff.
Women seem to have a different approach to what they think is sexy. It also seems to vary quite a bit but, like the men, their answers appear to stay consistent across time. AND, as I am a man, I will refrain from writing something about what women want as I have no first-hand knowledge other than what I am told or have witnessed, and that's not enough to comment on.
I will say this. Of all the great shifts in the "what is sexy?" conversation, the only one that baffles me is the HAIR issue.
Women have been shaving for almost a hundred years now, so it's not uncommon in our culture (though not everyone seems sold on the idea). Men groom their hair with the same regularity, or have adopted new ways of maintaining their hair to keep up with trends, but what strikes me as odd is the new trend in having absolutely NO hair at all. None. This is the generation of bald people.
I'm not trying to date a ten year old girl. If she looks "ten" then suddenly I have a problem. Even if she is the sweetest, kindest, smartest, best in bed woman in the world (with perfect feet), if she looks like a kid, the deals off.
I think it's funny that men shave their chests, wax their backs and butt. I heard that the latest trend is shaving the hair off your forearms. If that's true I know a lot of guys who are in trouble. And I realize that women don't like back hair, etc. but come on... How long does that take to shave? How long does it last before you have to mow that again?
I will close with this risque note for you.
A friend of mine has back hair thicker than a blanket. His body is a carpet. His facial hair comes up to just an inch below his eyes. He looks like he has little furry caterpillars on each finger... And the only place he shaves is his crotch. Cause his wife asked him too.
For men (and I can only answer for men here) the answer they give you is a simple one. The first thing they tell you is a lie. A diversion from the truth to avoid awkwardness. Or, if they aren't very sassy, their answer may be just a general conclusion or summation of all their many hours of contemplation on the subject. "Tits" is a good example of a man's answer when pressed about what they think is sexy in women. Just "tits." Now, obviously he's just trying to short answer the subject, or keep the tone of the conversation light, so the answer is fluffy. And that's okay. I could press him on the real answer but I probably wouldn't get it without annoying him first. Then the answer would be just flat-out tainted. I have pressed people to this point before. Probably too often. And in this moment he could easily slip from "tits" to "I like it when women wear glitter," so I must be cautious in my approach. No one likes to hear goofy answers to interesting questions.
Men's answer have not really changed over the years as I thought they might. I thought getting older or coming into a new decade of style or sexuality might alter what men found attractive in women. No. I have to say it didn't. Of course, younger men - men in their teens and twenties - will probably have different answers, but they aren't men as I understand the definition, so who cares what they think. As I write this I realize the delicate nature of the conversation and I will retract that comment for all of you older women who are presently banging a teenager to help you feel younger.
What served as a solid answer in 1989 still seems to ring true in 2013. For example; men will commonly say that women with big lips are sexy. They did in 1989 and they do now. This could be the Julia Roberts affect and they something rekindled by Angelina Jolie, but it's still around so it counts. And for all of you thin-lipped women out there, don't fret. There are quite a few men who prefer your lips to Angelina Jolie's. So there you go. Long legs is also a common answer with men. So is long hair. Women with soft voices (not too deep, not too high). Women with narrow shoulders (almost unheard of in this day and age of working out). Women with a great butt (this varies in description). Women with long necks. Women with clean skin (actually comes in second). And probably the most famous trait, which rarely gets mentioned though if you press long enough, men will admit it.. Women with nice feet. I am not one of these men, but I laugh every time someone says this. I guess I never gave much thought to the shape of a woman's foot and how that pertains to her overall sexiness.
Years of ballet have torn up more than a few women's feet. It distorts the toes and bones start to protrude out the side or the top of the foot. Now add on top of that women trying to wear shoes they shouldn't because they are too small or too narrow and now you have almost two or three generations of women with pointy goat feet. And for some reason, men hate it. It's not a casual dislike either. When you press a man on the issue, and if he is willing to talk about it, women's feet become almost the biggest issue on the table. Men can talk about a former flame they loved with amazing joy in their voices, then there is sudden dramatic pause, a thoughtful glance, then they start in on the truth of the feet. "She was amazing," they say, "smart, kind, pretty, talented, great in bed... but she had the ugliest feet in the world." They never say it, but you know the next sentence was going to be, "And the second I saw them, I knew it wasn't going to work out."
I don't try to press through this story with them as I can't stand hearing about people's deformities, but if you want the truth of the matter, you have to press on. That's when you discover that most men want women with well-formed feet. Even if they aren't foot-fetishists, or don't particularly know what the perfect foot looks like, they know what they DON'T want her feet to look like. Talons is a commonly phrase used to describe a women's ugly feet.
Men are large children. They give a lot of time to just thinking about what they want for themselves out of life. It's what drives the world economy, starts our wars, inspires art and romance. Men are all still nine years old inside their head; they still like toys, they love to play, they like pretty things, they don't like to get in trouble, they like to break the rules, they like it when women do things for them and they don't really like to share with others. Remember that as you read this. He says he doesn't like a women with talons, but he doesn't mind if that talon-laden woman does his laundry. Being that nine year kid in his head trumps a lot of adult stuff.
Women seem to have a different approach to what they think is sexy. It also seems to vary quite a bit but, like the men, their answers appear to stay consistent across time. AND, as I am a man, I will refrain from writing something about what women want as I have no first-hand knowledge other than what I am told or have witnessed, and that's not enough to comment on.
I will say this. Of all the great shifts in the "what is sexy?" conversation, the only one that baffles me is the HAIR issue.
Women have been shaving for almost a hundred years now, so it's not uncommon in our culture (though not everyone seems sold on the idea). Men groom their hair with the same regularity, or have adopted new ways of maintaining their hair to keep up with trends, but what strikes me as odd is the new trend in having absolutely NO hair at all. None. This is the generation of bald people.
I'm not trying to date a ten year old girl. If she looks "ten" then suddenly I have a problem. Even if she is the sweetest, kindest, smartest, best in bed woman in the world (with perfect feet), if she looks like a kid, the deals off.
I think it's funny that men shave their chests, wax their backs and butt. I heard that the latest trend is shaving the hair off your forearms. If that's true I know a lot of guys who are in trouble. And I realize that women don't like back hair, etc. but come on... How long does that take to shave? How long does it last before you have to mow that again?
I will close with this risque note for you.
A friend of mine has back hair thicker than a blanket. His body is a carpet. His facial hair comes up to just an inch below his eyes. He looks like he has little furry caterpillars on each finger... And the only place he shaves is his crotch. Cause his wife asked him too.
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