Meters runnin'

What do you do with months and months of nothing to do? A job! But do I get a full time job with an uncertain future? I have Europe in July and possibly grad school in August.

I should go back to cab driving. That was a great job. It's mostly mindless work, you pick up people, you drive them around, they give you money, you have no boss, you're not stuck in a mind numbing routine, you make your own hours, and occasionally, something awesome happens. Awesome is a word that here means - anything that shouldn't happen on a regular basis.


I picked up a man from a house in Mission Hills. He was drunk, and dressed well in clothes that made me think he had attended a dinner party earlier in the evening. He got in and the first thing he said was, "you know where to get some crack?" Not your typical request of a complete stranger, but this is cab driving. "Yes," I said. I didn't really, but how hard is it to drive around and find it?

We trolled up and down Troost between 39th and 43rd street looking for hookers. The man in the back kept sizing them up until he found one he liked. "pull up to that fat black one there on the corner." I pulled up and he lowered his window.

"Hey, what's going on?"
-Nuthin'. What you doin'?
"I'm lookin' to party. You wanna party with me?"
-Yeah. What you need?
"I want it all. And do you have smoke?"
-Rock or Green?
"Both."
-Yeah. Pull around the corner.

Much to my surprise, this conversation happens with me in the front seat and neither one of them cared.

We pull around the corner and she gets in.

"Hey man. Just drive around the corner. There's a parking lot just pull in there."

I do as I am requested while they figure out things in the back.

"You two ain't smoking in my cab."

Believe it or not, they got out, smoked crack, then got back in. I should have made more demands because then they started fucking in the back of the cab. I listen to the radio while they're going at it. I can't believe that this guy is paying her for this and then he has to pay me.

We drop her off back on teh street and I drive him home. Total fee: $55.00. He gives me a $25.00 tip. I love rich people when they're fucked up.

----

It wasn't always hookers and crack. Often it was people going to work, or trying to visit their kids, or going to swingers clubs, or cheating on their spouses. It was an amazing crossroads of the best parts and the worst parts of our society.  For example: each morning at 4 AM I drove a woman to Panera to start baking bread. She was 21. It had to be hard to give up such much of her youth to work so hard at a job like that. She went to bed every night at 6 PM. She said she asked for that shift because she didnt' like people very much and she liked the quiet of it. She also said they paid her more and she wanted to save her money to go to school. She would pay me and then grab my hand and say, "I pray for you" and then get out of the cab.

A camera man for one of the major television stations in Kansas City had an anchor who had a drinking problem and had acquired too many DUI's and thus had to be driven to work every night. She used me as her personal driver for her weekend plans as well. She was quite a sight. She dated a few people, though each date she was on, whomever she slept with, I was the one who took her home at the end of the night. (it's a good idea to have a personal cab driver you can call.) She was often so drunk that she couldn't walk or be fully dressed and I would pick her up and have to carry her into her house. Yes, she had a nice body and No, I never took advantage. After listening to her stories about the lovers she did have, I didn't want my name on that growing pile of frustration.

Did you know that a few of the KC Chiefs were into men? I bet you didn't. You know how I know? Because for some reason, a cab driver is one of the few people on the planet that people feel comfortable confessing everything to. More than a priest, a lawyer, a spouse or a therapist - people love telling a complete stranger what they've done and/or will do.

This particular Chief was fond of the gay bar "The Fox" in Johnson County. It's almost invisible to every community and he found it appealing that way. He also said that he could sleep with men off Craigslist and he wasn't worried about it. The reason? Because he said that gay men tell too many tales and no one would believe it if they said they were sleeping with a Chief. I found it odd that he was so cavalier about it. His favorite conversation was which Chiefs had the biggest cocks. Yes, he still plays for the Chiefs. 

----

My favorite stories are always the ones where I'm a witness to something. A lot like the true life Pretty Woman story I told you about earlier. I love those stories.

I watched the demise of the KC indoor football team when the phone call to cancel the league was taken in the back of my cab. He then called his wife and said, "we're moving back to Orlando. They shut down the league. Fuck it. I hate it here anyway."

I was the personal driver for a group of high end prostitutes from Leawood. Rich white women who would go out on "dates" an hour after the bars would close. Dates that would last twenty minutes.

----

So I have no idea what to do with myself. Do I go back to cabbing? Do I take some simple job closer to home? I could always bake bread at Panera...