Oh Bob Ross... You evil bitch!

Zero Dark Thirty
Silver Lining Playbook
Manos: The Hands of Fate
Broken City
This is 40
Hyde Park on the Hudson
Hobbit
Jack Reacher
Argo
Les Miserables
Lincoln
Life of Pi
Wreck it Ralph
Skyfall
Flight
Cloud Atlas
Cirque De Soleil...

This is what you do with an AMC movie card that gives you free movies for a year. I like to eat a lot of brussels sprouts and then go watch movies. It insures that I get some distance between myself and other patrons in the theater.

To date, I think my favorite movie for 2012 is Cloud Atlas. It's sad that it didn't get more notice from audiences, and if you missed it you really did miss out.

I guess I watch movies the same way the most people watch TV. It's good distraction and I like to allow myself the escape. Part of that escape is the conversation about TV that so many people like to have. I do miss TV in some ways. There are shows which I did enjoy and wish were still on the air. There are even things that come along that sound like they would be interesting to see but then I think about them as a weekly investment and suddenly their charm wanes. The words, JJ Abrams, Mark Burnett, or Reality are the fastest ways to make me turn the channel.

If I could, I would bring Bob Ross back to life and put him back on the air. Not to paint, I want him to read me the news. I'm sure I could listen any bad news if it came out of his mouth. Him and Mr. Rodgers. Mostly because they never abused phrases that grated on my brain. "I know, right?" has fast become the harshest thing for me to hear from someone. It's followed closely by "best [insert something] ever!" or "this is epic!" or  "this is sick!" I checked a minute ago - It's still illegal to hit these people.

I want Bob back. His voice was so soothing it was sick! It was the best voice ever! It's epic! I know, right? Bob's voice was, like, noise gold. No one can listen to him without passing out. I'm not sure I ever saw him finish a single one of those epic paintings that was sick. They were the best painting ever! I usually pass out right about the time he cleans his brush. Imagine if Bob Ross was your ring tone. How sick would that be? I want Bob Ross to be the voice of Suri in the iPhone. I know, right?

As with all things, much of Bob's existence has fallen into epic lies. People love to make up things about Bob, such as his epic military past, or the cause of his death. Best death ever! People also love to look deeper into Bob's life to see if they can find fatal flaws. To undermine his epic lifestyle. Not unlike all the epic stories of Mister Rodgers being the sickest Marine sniper, or a child molester (best child molester ever!); Bob's pre-PBS life has grown to be much larger than that of just a painter. I guess being a quiet unassuming man on PBS means you must have a previous life as a CIA operative who likes epic sex with sick children. Or is it sick sex with epic children? What ever it is, it's the best sex ever! I know, right?

Bob Ross, dropped out of school in JUNIOR HIGH!!! How epic is that? And joined the Air Force after years of pit fighting for cash. Pit fighting is an early form of MMA but without rules or protection. He went 45 and 1 in his fighting career before he joined the docile Air Force and discovered he could paint. Perhaps it was all the blood splatter he saw first hand that gave him the insight into how to create all those vast epic landscapes.

Bob didn't die of AIDS, nor was he gay; these are the other two most common misconceptions about him. He died of sick cancer in Florida and he is buried there. Which is sick, right? Best cancer death ever!!! (some day I will get down there and get the picture of his grave) Bob was married, twice. And as compelling as it is to think of Bob Ross as a sniper in the Air Force with that syrupy voice, he wasn't. The Air Force isn't what many in the epic military circles like to think of when they think of sick soldiers. They do intel stuff, launch large missiles and shoot people from planes.Which is the best thing EVER!!!

FYI: Mr. Rodgers was also never in the military. AND he also died of the sickest sickness (tummy cancer) and never once was he implicated in any epic child molestation. Best life ever!! Right?

I like to watch Bob Ross partially for the nap and partially because he's TV I can tolerate. He and Mr. Rodgers were epic people. Their work is sick. They were the best TV ever. And I wish the two of them had met during their lifetimes and cut an album of an-y-thing. They could have just gotten together for tea and chatted about all the belly button lint they found in small children's navels and I would love it. That would be the best record ever. Soooo sick. Sooo epic.

I do think it's interesting that both men died of cancer. Perhaps they were former CIA agents and the agency wanted to clean house after their epic PBS mind control program was finished. Whatever they did seemed to work. When you think of the millions of morons who watch TV today, you can see that the mind control works.

I know, right?