Of all the great mysteries, which continue to amaze and confound our world such as; The Great Pyramids of Egypt, Machu Picchu and the Nazca lines, Stonehenge, The Bible, Wal Mart, Paris Hilton and Ashton Kutcher (His name is Ashton... No, I'm not kidding. It's really Ashton) and Sex... the one great baffling mystery which science has yet to explain is WHY are WOMEN all so FUCKING COLD to the TOUCH? At what point in the evolution of mankind did women not get the warm gene? Even with layers of clothes, gallons of hot fluids, and drugs, they are all freezing cold. I have yet to meet the woman who wasn't twenty degrees colder than ice cream to the touch.
I wonder how women keep their drinks warm? Can their bodies cool off pools in the summer? If the air conditioner breaks, can we snuggle up to them to keep cool? Why aren't their nipples hard all the time?
Perhaps all this comes down to the shaving. Maybe by removing so much of their hair they are removing the only thing which keeps them warm. Of course, they don't shave their hands, but I'm working this out as I go along. Nah, this isn't it. If this were true then why isn't a man's face cold after he shaves it?
With all the money spent on keeping my willie hard and yummy, and with all the money we spend on sedating our idiot children so we can tolerate them; why don't we clear out a corner in one of those fancy-schmancy laboratories and figure out a pill that will make women warm to the touch. We could call the drug, Lavator. Side effects include audible flatulence and an aversion to bright light.
I understand that women love the huggy, kissy thing. It's not that I am against that part. I would just like to think that one day I will crawl into bed and NOT have to feel an animated corpse trying to warm itself on my body.
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